Alas...

...my mind seems blank once again. Perhaps tomorrow will be another day when, as they say...

The Return Of Goumm...

So my wise friends...Goumm, the one that is, that was and shall be, has returned. From whence I hear you ask? Mind your own frakking business why doncha? And do I have a new thing to talk about? Well...no, to put it bluntly. At least I am achieving the aims of the so-called Blog of nothing! Perhaps this shall be the prelude to an invasion of words, words, and yet more words to come? Perhaps...perhaps not! The future is not mine to see. Look to the skies my friends. Send out words of hope and keep those golden eyes a-pealed for my next meaningful utterance! This has been...The Return Of Goumm! Now time for the obligatory random and perplexing picture of the day:

Introducing Ned & Dave...

After a period of deep, serious soul-searching I have come across a subject to make this blog about something...inane conversations between a guy called Ned and a guy called Dave. Read at your peril....

Ned: Dave! The carpet’s black!

Dave: I know. What’s the matter with that then?

Ned: Nowt! Didn’t say there was nothing wrong with it!

Dave: Why tell me then?

Ned: Just pointing it out that’s all!

Dave: I do have me own eyes ya know?

Ned: I know! I can see ya have with me own eyes!

Dave: Well there ya go then…so what’s your fucking problem with the carpet being black and all?

Ned: Nowt! I already told ya! Jesus!

Dave: Alright! Must be a reason or summat?

Ned: Oh heck! Just never seen a carpet that black before. That’s all. Happy now are ya?

Dave: …suppose so.

Ned: Ya aren’t are ya? Ya need some long bloody monologue to satisfy ya!

Dave: Monologue? Satisfy? Where have ya been learning them fancy words from eh?

Ned: …eh? Nowhere! Just popped into me head is all.

Dave: Ya what? Words like that don’t just pop into ya head without getting them from somewhere!

Ned: What does it matter Dave? Just leave it yeah?

Dave: …hey! Ya haven’t been…ya know…reading again?

Ned: Ya what? What ya take me for Dave? One of them mad professors like? Ya feeling alright in ya head or summat?

Dave: Hmmm! Ya better not be lying to me! We both know what happens when ya start picking up a book and learning about…things like!

Ned: Dave! Ya know me better than that! I wouldn’t lie to ya! Alright, truth be told, I saw them words splashed on the side of a bus that passed by the other day.

Dave: Oh yeah? Makes sense I suppose…hang about! It’s one thing to see new words, but it’s another to know what they mean and when to use them! Ya can’t lie yourself out of this one man!

Ned: Just looked them up in a dictionary like.

Dave: Ned!!! What have I told ya about opening up a book?

Ned: Never to open a book ever on pain of my balls being twisted off and soaked in vinegar. I know that Dave! It’s only a dictionary. What harm can it do?

Dave: Plenty! Believe me! Ya can’t remember it, but last time it happened, ya brain couldn’t cope and went nutso! Took us days to hunt ya down in the woods and knock ya out. Ya wouldn’t wanna know the things we saw when we found ya! Promised meself never to think about it again or mention it to anyone ever again! Ya get me now?

Ned: Blimey! I suppose so Dave. Ya know best!

Dave: Good! Sorted then!

Ned: Dave!!!

Dave: What is it Ned?

Ned: …it’s the carpet! It’s gone all black like!

Dave: …Jesus Christ!

A New Dawn Breaks Through...

Well...it's a wee bit too late to be anywhere near dawn. Shy of dawn by about seven hours ahoy capn'! So...the dreaded second blog after the outstanding debut of my first ever blog. Well, perhaps I am overestimating my blogging abilities a tad! For a blog meant to be about nothing, it's starting to become a hell of a lot about something! Although I am not entirely sure what that something actually is. I shall name that something once I find it. Perhaps it's behind the sofa...or maybe I left it in my jeans...which is in the washing machine right at this precise MOMENT!!!

SHIT!

Jeans extracted.
Something not yet found.

Perhaps I need a good night's sleep to refresh my mind and body. Maybe then I can renew my quest for that something? YAWN! I'm offskies to the fresh comfort of my duvet...whoever knows the bounty of mysteries I may find there? Goodnight my fellow surfers of the cyber waves!

Orientation

Welcome thou wicked mortals. Beyond the horizon of the Atlantic ocean, where the light touchs the air hovers my abode. My name intrepid readers? Hotnamm Goumm. So, so very unhappy to make your acquaintance. My origins? Tut tut...discretion is most necessary for my miserable existence to continue in your wretched world. All I can reveal is that I was created for nothing. Just as you all live your lives in vain, so do I in the thin slice of life that hovers here, there, everywhere. My purpose? To revel in the morbid nothingness that permeates our sodden daily lives. Ohhh...bugger this for a laugh! Can't be arsed to keep this theatrical voice up me duck! I'll attempt to blog about this, that and the other. If I can get out of bed that is. I'm sure you will all try your best to follow me as best as you can...no obligation necessary. Say what you like or say nowt. Up to you. Will be a struggle to read my long or short pooped out blogs of shite...but you know what they say....